The Brown & White

It is unfortunate that those of us at Lehigh who walk around the Hill, or around campus, have to face the incessant debate over how to handle the Greek "problem." Time and again we are forced to endure endless discussions, articles, and letters to the editor on the matter.

Just recently, new discussions have stirred up as a result of this past Greek Week. Luckily, we didn't have to read about these in the previous edition of this paper, but as many of you know, several participants at this year's events conducted a bright symphony of ill-measured words and actions. For example, there were sexist t-shirts, drunken stage performances in which individuals and entire groups were called out by name with homophobic slurs, and dances displaying severely internalized sexism. Some of you may have been offended by these proceedings; however, I was not. I prefer to look past these indiscretions, and I believe that I am not alone when I say that I have grown tired of discussion. Instead of mere talk, we should focus on a practical and amicable solution that will please all parties involved-and I think I've found one.

It is my modest proposal that we level the Hill, flatten the ground, and build a roller coaster in its place. While we may have to endure a few minor sacrifices, I can only look ahead to the many benefits of this plan. Picture yourself amidst a stressful week (such as the finals week that looms ahead), needing to blow off some steam. How about a ride on the coaster? If you and your friends can't think of anything to do on a Friday night, perhaps you could enjoy three minutes of complete glee as you soar around our beautiful campus? I believe that this is a fair trade-off for what we would have to part with in the loss of the Hill. I find that roller coasters are enjoyed universally, and would actually serve better to bring our campus together.

I anticipate that many of you will wish to comment on my lowly offer, and I fully welcome the responses. I am not so set in my own opinion as to reject opposing propositions, for it will take all of us to discuss this issue. For example, what color will the cars be? How many loops should we add? Let us not, though, get mired down in lengthy discussions, but instead act swiftly on this idea. For those worried about the cost, I am confident that it would pay for itself in just one year, as a result of the huge increase in donations from ecstatic, thrill-seeking alumni. For those concerned that such a project would never get off the ground, fear not: a task force has already been assembled to discuss the matter. And a Web site is on the way.